Becoming a Mom
Well, tomorrow is the big day. At some point tomorrow (or in the wee hours of Saturday morning) I will officially become a mom. It is all still somewhat surreal to me, I mean me? A mom? I have been praying and hoping for this moment for years, since even before I found my sweet husband (knowing of course that I would need to first meet and marry my true love). The 17ish months that it took to finally have a successful pregnancy were long and heartbreaking and I began to wonder if I would ever be a mom in this life. Then the miracle came and June 11th I found out that I would indeed be a mom because I was officially pregnant! You would not imagine the relief I felt to have finally been blessed to have a healthy pregnancy.
I really have been blessed throughout the entirety of my pregnancy, I had minimal morning sickness (only 2 or 3 episodes), and minimal nausea. I have had heartburn pretty much the entire time, gestational carpal tunnel, frequent use of the restroom (I doubt this surprises anyone) and swelling in my feet and legs. It has also been hard to sleep at night but even then I have managed to get enough for my needs. Lastly, Aiden has been a good boy and has not kicked me in my ribs, he has however been putting his little foot right up between my ribs and the placenta and pushing outward with all his might, causing a little tender spot every now and then. I only hope that all of the blessings of my pregnancy continue to hold out through labor and delivery. Part of me is afraid that my good fortune will run out and that everything that could go wrong, will. Brandon doesn’t think so, and so I am leaning on him for support.
As for becoming a mom my most recent thoughts are those of, is this really happening? If so, how can it be? In some ways I still feel newly graduated from high school or college. I don’t know that I can accurately express my thoughts or feelings about it, but each time I am about to enter a different phase of my life, a different scene in the play of life, I look at the phases/scenes behind me and wonder if they are really finished, did I do all that I was supposed to and say all of my lines correctly so that I would be more fully prepared for what I was about to encounter. In a way I still feel like that 16 year old girl trying to fit in.
On the other hand, I have been groomed for this moment my entire life. I have always been good with kids (meaning they have always seemed to gravitate towards me). I have worked with various age groups in child care (the most recent being infants 3-12 months old), and have helped my friends with their kids through out the years. I have even held a church calling in the nursery with toddlers 18 months to 3 years old. After all of that, and reading a few parenting books, including Dr. Spock, I have very little to worry about. Not to mention that when you become a mother there is an instinct that kicks in and kind of guides you through the times that you could never be prepared for.
So, as I stand on the edge of the cliff that is motherhood wondering if I have done all that I can to prepare, if I can remember all that I have learned, and if I truly have the strength within myself for this eternity long responsibility. It is all that I can do to trust that my husband, and family will provide me with the support (advice, tips, and comfort) that I need and that Heavenly Father will be my constant companion providing guidance, inspiration, and answers to my prayers. I can also recall that when I have entered new phases/scenes in the past that it hasn’t taken long for me to get used to my new surroundings. Remembering those things I can now cinch up my parachute, (finish up any last minute things to prepare the house for Aiden’s arrival) and step up to the edge up the cliff hand in hand with my husband. We will keep everyone posted and continue to provide updates and pictures on the website. Off we go…